What can I say about Swiped? A movie so terrible that if I didn't have to write this review about it, I would have turned it off after 20 minutes. Sadly I did watch/endure it. And now I have to conjure up a reasonable summary of it for you, my lovely reader.
So what is Swiped about? It is about a cliched nerd who goes off to college and ends up creating a dating app for his rich roommate. The nerd in question is James Singer. He was accepted into both Princeton and MIT but couldn't afford to go. The roommate is Lance Black (Noah Centineo) a rich and entitled brat who dreams of endless and meaningless one-night-stands.
When the idea of getting to know a girl, and by ‘getting to know' I mean, asking her name, becomes too exhausting for Black he recruits Singer to create an app called Jungle. The idea is that it gives men everything they want. No names, no details, and no way to contact each other again. The only acceptable profile pics are of the girls in their underwear – it's a rule. Men then swipe, women agree to all the overtly archaic and sexist rules and they hook-up.
Honestly, I can almost understand why a prepubescent boy who has never spoken to a girl would want an app like that created. However, if that premise wasn't bad enough, the film soon falls even further into fantasyland. Every girl on campus is a vacuous bimbo, reeking of desperation. And the app, it seems, is a necessary evil on the path to finding true love. I mean, how else would they ever find a man????
When the app goes viral and Singer's own mother ends up on it, he realises the error of his ways. Determined to restore the balance of power he tries to remove the app. This is much to the horror of the girls who now, shock horror, have absolutely no way to find a date. Puke, barf, vom…that was the point when any last shred of hope I had for the movie died a sad and sorry death.
If it was supposed to be satirical, it failed miserably. It is a sad and tragic film that is as idiotic as it is misogynistic. Whoever created it is completely out of touch with reality and should really find a new career. Seriously, my child has made more impressive Tik-Tok videos!
SPOILER ALERT: Everything about this movie is utter sh*t. Even Noah Centineo (SPF-18). It has no redeeming qualities. Swerve. Swerve. And swerve some more.
